Happy Earth Day Weekend

🌧️ Happy Earth Day Weekend ☀️ I took my first walk since my pneumonia diagnosis. This is what I have missed. I stop at this site, show my did affection and pray a little. A lot of it is “please keep us safe from fires.” 💧 It’s not the biggest walk and at the halfway point, I was out of breath.
🦉Genesis 1:26-28🐮 26 Then God said, “And now we will make human beings; they will be like us and resemble us. They will have power over the fish, the birds, and all animals, domestic and wild,[a] large and small.” 27 So God created human beings, making them to be like himself. He created them male and female, 28 blessed them, and said, “Have many children, so that your descendants will live all over the earth and bring it under their control. I am putting you in charge of the fish, the birds, and all the wild animals. –

Another Day, Another Shooting

Another school shooting happened today. Humans lost their lives. I have so many thoughts and this may be jumbled. However, I plan on touching on several facets of the shooting: Biblical, mental health perspective.

What will America do with its gun laws? That is right, nothing with conservatives holding archaic beliefs. Enough is enough. Even though thousands have been murdered in schools, they are afraid of change.

Right wing politicians base their values on a book that was written over a thousand years and has poor translations. It feels like they are that old themselves.

What does the good book say? I see Jesus as a pacifist. Next week, I will play the centurion in a Maundy Thursday service. In the play, my ear gets cut off by an apostle. Jesus heals my ear and then lets me take him. This is pacificism at its peak.

The Washington Post has a great database-esque article about violence that kids experienced since Columbine. You can find that here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/interactive/school-shootings-database/

The numbers that it gives are jarring. Next year will be the 25th anniversary of Columbine. Now let’s look at the big stat that they give: 348,000 students have experienced gun violence at school since Columbine. There have been 376 school shootings since 1999…
This is embarrassing. 348,00 students, 376 shootings,348,00 students, 376 shootings,348,00 students, 376 shootings,348,00 students, 376 shootings,348,00 students, 376 shootings,348,00 students, 376 shootings. Let that sink in because apparently it hasn’t. We vote in the politicians who do this. Voters, non-voters, and politicians have responsibility for this. What will you do? Nothing. Instead we see the Texas governor not take questions after 19 kids died in 2022.

Guns give people a sense of control that they lack in their lives; especially when you lack control with your mental health. My suicide attempt was my inner thoughts telling me that I wasn’t good enough.

People need hobbies. Why are guns a hobby? When you have a mindset of someone who is capable of a shooting, guns are an outlet for them. Why are guns an outlet? They are readily f’ing available.

School shooters can train on animals. They call it hunting, but really it is making killing a sport and hobby. Hunters have made it so that guns are even more readily accessible. Hunters have made it so that it is okay to train for mass shootings by killing animals. Hunting is a hobby.

Per Word Etymology, the word hunting comes from hentan “to seize,” from Proto-Germanic *huntojan (source also of Gothic hinþan “to seize, capture…. This is basic life. We are not here to seize and capture. The second amendment was passed at a time when we were worried about people coming in and taking over. As a young country that was to be expected.

The second amendment of the United States grants the right to bear arms. It was passed in 1791. That is over 200 years. People base laws off the Bible which is over a thousand years old. Per the Wiki article on speration of church and state; Thomas Jefferson said: Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions…. I would love to know what you took from this.

Now lets talk about how bad the current USA mental health system is. I am about to pour my heart and soul into this; even more than I already do on this site.

Mental health is a struggle. It is a struggle that you have to want to get help with. Anti-depressants are a stigma still. Furthermore, we are just now learning the long-term side effects of them. In regards to these shootings, people say that we need to invest in mental health in the country. If we are, it is not showing. Here are several examples from my past:

– It took me several months to see a therapist after my suicide attempt.

– In the absence of help, I sought out a local free clinic. Since free clinics are used for therapists to get hours to officially become one, the quality of care can be lacking. My quality of care there was lacking. I was too afraid to voice that I needed a new therapist because I was afraid about losing therapy completely. When I did deal with her boss, she had no empathy for my situation; and seemed to only care about having her picture everywhere.
If you are in therapy and it is not working for you, it is perfectly fine to seek an alternative person or treatment. Who knows you best than you?

– Now lets talk about how the United Church of Christ failed me after my suicide attempt. I reached out to several facets of the organization, in particular their mental health organization. My pastor Stacy Thomas knew that I needed help but she just made things worse. She defended the toxicity and kept my issues a secret. I reached out to several facets of the United Church of Christ; from their mental health resources which did not get back to me, the conference which did not get back to me, and several others. I am dwelling on this because I would love to share my story with UCC higher ups so that they can learn. However, they highlight the very crux of the issue and that is that people only say things for glamour. Why have a mental health initiative if you are not going to help your own?
I am asking these questions of the UCC because I want them to get better. I believe in their values but that only took me so far. I gave everything to my church. I helped build it. I made contacts that they still rely on. I pushed myself and made myself better. However when I lost everything in 2020, the place that I gave everything to was not there.

– Now lets talk mental hospitals. I went in one, when I was worried that I was worried about hurting myself. That was the worst experience of my life. It felt like a prison. I have talked to other people and they feel the same way. Mental hospitals are the answer for therapists, especially when they can’t control their patients. In the hospital, I had all the tools that made me sane taken away: my music, my fiance, my pets. I was surrounded by people who were far worse than me.
My free clinic therapist kept pushing it, and I had to be stern in telling her that she was talking about a place than will push me further off the edge. My therapist had no experience with how the mental hospital system worked, and she was not going to get any. A lot of the best ones, do not have experience. I feel that it should be a requirement if they want to become a therapist. I feel this way, so that they will have empathy.
Don’t get me wrong, the mental hospital system works for some but it does not work for most. If you disagree, I challenge you to survive just 4 hours in one; as opposed to the typical 3 day hold.

Before we dive in to another topic, I do need to talk about a strength that we have at our disposal. The Suicide Hotline gets a lot of grief. It was there for me when I did not have therapy. If the person on the phone was my therapist, I would not have gone as far as I did at times; if my therapist was a quarter of that person, I would have done better.

Now lets talk getting someone help. Most people, especially the shooters, do not want mental health help. I have seen it with my brother. You can invest in mental health help, but it is only there for people that want it. In the case of my brother, he would take himself out of the hospital. It took him 20 years before he even saw a therapist.
Now ask yourself, what is stronger for the people that need mental health help? The readily available guns that have been their hobby or the mental health system that in itself can be a mental struggle to survive. In my case, I am lucky to have the strength to reach out when I need help; thank you God. Most people are not about to reach out. In my case, I have always had guns and knives away from me, for my suicidal reasons. I am an exception. My family helped me, boy do they deserve a medal. It is easier to reach out for a gun then it is to get help.

Let’s pray

Dear Lord, the world is a scary place right. Everything feels under attack. No one feels safe. We have trusted politicians to protect us, and they are only making things worse. There are people who need mental health treatment and are not strong enough to get it. If they want it, will they have access to it? Thank you for protecting the living. Please keep on protecting us. Please give strength to everyone to do the right thing. You Lord, are the most important part of the equation. We only ask sternly because we need your help and we thank you for your understanding and compassion. AMEN

Now lets end on a punk note.

Reagan Youth – Jesus Was A Pacifist

Jesus was a communist
Jesus was a pacifist
Jesus was a communist
Jesus didn’t like the rich
Jesus was a communist
Jesus was a pacifist
Jesus was a communist
Jesus didn’t like the rich
Jesus was a communist
Jesus was a pacifist
Jesus was a communist
Jesus didn’t like the rich
Jesus was a communist
Jesus was a pacifist
Jesus was a communist
If Jesus saw you he’d be pissed

Happy Cultural Appropriation Day; Happy St. Gertrude’s Day

St. Patrick’s Day is not my thing. I never liked people pretending they were Irish to act stupid. I always felt that if they really liked the thing they were doing, then they would make an effort to do it justice. I always felt that people did the opposite on St. Patrick’s Day. What they are doing is cultural appropriation. I challenge everyone to learn about cultural approbation.
Brittanica defines cultural approbation as the following: Cultural appropriation takes place when members of a majority group adopt cultural elements of a minority group in an exploitative, disrespectful, or stereotypical way. To fully understand its consequences, though, we need to make sure we have a working definition of culture itself.

In the meantime, lets focus on someone good:

When I was researching this, I came across a great article. It can be found at:

Lent 2023: My Journey

What does Lent symbolize to you?
Ideally, the purpose of the Lenten season is to set aside time for reflection on Jesus Christ, and your faith in God. Lent is one of those things that is not in the Bible, yet is very important in church life.
The word fasting gets brought into the Lent conversation. As Biblical as fasting can be, I would like to go a different route: Lent represents our hunger for Jesus and all things holy.

I am not here to critique Lent as a whole. There is a lot wrong with church. Perhaps in a future post, we can deconstruct the verses that they read during Lent and why. A lot of churches say that Lent is a way to analyze sins in your life and focus on one. If you are living a life of sin, you need more than Lent. Thus, Lent can represent a start of said deconstruction of those vices. We all have ways that we can improve our life. This is why I believe that Lent at its best is having some self reflection.

When done right, Lent is a time of self-reflection. In improving yourself, you also improve yourself to give more to your faith. Lent is a win-win. I also enjoy Lent because I am giving a piece of myself to God- this can be covered in my past articles on this site. Lent is a rare time that we can show that our faith is a true symbiotic relationship- it can be hard to discern what you do for your church and what you do for God.

I made the decision to start my Lenten journey now because I noticed a part of my life that can be improved and want to attack it now. This self reflection fits the Lent timeline. I want to take 40 days to see if this habit is doing more harm than good in my life. So I figured ‘why not use it as Lent.’ I have faith that I will honor God by doing this. This was not an easy decision to start my Lenten commitment early. I did a lot of praying on if this was the right thing to do. I kept coming back to the fact that trying to practice good habits is something that should be done regardless. Some people use New Year’s Resolutions to try to tackle their sins. Resolutions fail where Lent succeeds because of the 40 day timeline.
A beauty that I find in doing this early, is that I am showing God that I am willing to better myself in the name of faith, whenever that needs to be done. You should never stop trying to have a symbiotic relationship with God.
Another reason that I am able to rationalize doing this is because Lent is a man-made tradition. All of the rules, especially fasting are not in the Bible. Lent has Biblical representations that should not be lost. Some great Bible verses can be found below:

Mark 1:13 Good News Translation
…where he stayed forty days, being tempted by Satan. Wild animals were there also, but angels came and helped him.

Luke 4:1-2
Good News Translation
The Temptation of Jesus
Jesus returned from the Jordan full of the Holy Spirit and was led by the Spirit into the desert, where he was tempted by the Devil for forty days. In all that time he ate nothing, so that he was hungry when it was over.

It is not lost on me that Ash Wednesday to Easter honors the death and resurrection of Jesus. Tracking 40 days can be hard, when you are not doing this on the church calendar. Google Calendar makes it so easy. For 40 days, I have set a reminder that states:
“What are you doing for God today?”
This is yet another thing that I am doing to remind myself that this is for God.

Church is a great way to improve yourself year round. As humans, it is up to us to take the lessons from it. Just because something doesn’t fit on the church timeline, doesn’t mean you can’t allow it to fit on yours. Everyone in church is there to improve themselves in one way or another. Lent is a great guide for that.

Here is another reason: we do this for us. Unless you need the structure and rigidness of someone telling you what to do, then you can do whatever you want. Free thought is not a sin. I am on my church journey for three reasons:

  1. To improve myself
  2. To do some good in the world
  3. By doing the first two items, it shows God that I have more room for God. In exchange all I want is more room to keep this cycle going.

    Lent is great because it is not always easy. Christ did not walk an easy journey. In church we are constantly asked how can we be more Christ-like? The easiest way is self improvement so that we can be better for others around us.
    Does this timeline make Lent not special to me? On the contrary, I feel that it makes it more. I feel that I am taking the initiative to improve myself and that something that we can all agree on: celebrating God in the best way that I can, with the intention of getting better so I can do it more for God in return.

Happy Holidays

Why I choose to say Happy Holidays. Just because I celebrate Christmas
To me, I don’t want to assume. To me, I don’t want to force. I don’t want to be exclusive. I feel that in order for the world to get better that we need to be more inclusive of each other. That starts with being a Christian where the very nature of what we teach, is to be warm to each other.

No one is taking anything away from you. No one is saying that you can’t celebrate Christmas. The world is not an exclusive place. If you can’t accept that reality then you will have a hard life. By saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas, I chose to be inclusive with my language.

You cannot take Channukah is not to be dismissed in the realm of Christianity. John 10:22–23, there is proof that Jesus celebrated Hannukah. Further elaboration, Hannukah means dedication; in John 10:22–23, Jesus goes to the Feast of Dedication.

Happy Holidays and if that offends you, then that’s on you and not me.


Yesterday my fiancé got my booster and Covid booster

I was beyond paranoid to get the booster as the second shot kicked my butt. Historically, the flu shot also kicks my butt, but I also don’t know how much of that had to do with me eating gluten that I am allergic to. Too many people are going down again. My sister can’t work her normal job because she is subbing for teachers who have Covid and schools won’t shut down. I have seen this virus be very karmic. I have my own mental health issues but I do not want to go out by way of Covid. I do not want to put others at risk. If one day of me being down is a compromise for that, then I am willing to sacrifice that for the greater good. Today, I just have a dead arm and intense muscle aches. The booster was only half of the second dose. I don’t feel nearly as bad as I did after that second dose. Wearing a mask and getting the shot may be mandatory for the most part but I do it because I feel that it is not about me, I do it because I want to protect every single one of you.

Funny Dating Site Story

People hear I got banned from a dating site and think I did something extreme. I met my current fiancé on a different dating website because she was attracted to my reason for said ban. I believe that I got banned from a certain site because I asked a girl in a MAGA hat in her profile picture, if she would go out with me in Russian. Partisan politics annoy me greatly and I am a registered republican for the sheer fact that I think that we all need to compromise. The girl who I sent the message to had something in her profile that said something about needing to stand with a certain side or you aren’t American and it was very clear that she was talking about Donald Trump or the highway. Democrat, Republican, Independent; I worry about you if you cannot see that Donald Trump is classless human being who did a lot to destroy America. I just couldn’t resist this girl. I figured that my message would be junk. All it was, was a line of Russian. Instead it got reported. I held shame but I suppose that it was worth it. I got a good end result. I am with a great girl now. It’s her favorite story.

Recall Election

I used to work at my County’s election’s division and have experience running a polling place. I have been a poll worker several times over. I know how the process works very well. Make sure that you sign the outside of your ballot with your signature. It is the most important thing for your vote to count. By the time it arrives in the mail on election day or later at election’s division, it may be too late for it count depending on the rules at the given time. Sign your ballots for your vote to count.